Queen City Mail from Spearfish, South Dakota • Page 21

WWUy, Oct 19, 1980, Qs" City Matt, Pag Genglers Secret to foster care is 'loving' "N7c CATCH 22 That's what Marianna Gengter cab her foster home situation. "Social workers ask the impossible of foster parents they ask us to care and love a child and then they ask us to give them up," she says. Vofes do count byEvelyaSturii O'Neill's slite did little advertising and nothing, of course, in the Queen City Mail. A league advertisement in the Mail was headed, "Under New: Management," and continued, "Always: Means New Ideas, Better Service, General Clean-up, Modern The same applies to your City." The league boasted that, without an' increase in taxes, it would provide dependable and safe water hard-surface business and residential, streets; clean, well-kept and well-light-; ed main and side streets; restore city park to its natural beauty; modernize the city tourist park and operate it on a business basis. Side-stepping the no increase in taxes issue, the league said its promises could be kept by "careful planning, utilising present funds and operating the water and park departments on a business-: like basis." It didn't get the chance to prove its points or fulfill its promises.

Spearfish city elections have come and gone the past 30 years, but as the Mail publisher editorialized following the election of 1950: "The recent city election campaign was one of the most important things to happen in Spearfish in many years. The record number of ballots cast reflects a resurging interest in city affairs. The; spirited, competitive campaigning during the pre election weeks illustrates a now trend here toward a more progressive town. "It was the first time in 10 years that there has been a contest for mayor. We hope that never again will our city be so disinterested that no one will want to argue over a job as mayor or councilman.

"Now that it's all over, we hope that the strained friendships that are bound to occur in such an election will be quickly rejoined and all of us will get behind the administration to work for the good of our town. "The future of Spearfish is far more important to all of us than the memories of a bitter election contest." Pollution costs us $500 million a year. v.v. For the age children they have now, the Genglers receive $4.77 per day for ear child. "No way do you make money off the program.

Not when you feed them three full meals a day and give them snarks and wash clothes and buy toys and toothpaste I get very irate about people who think foster parenting is an easy way to make money," confessed Marianna. "We make ends meet by shopping budget shops and garage sales for good used clothing the children ran wear for everyday. And I do keep extra clothes around things like jackets and jeans that have been outgrown. When they leave here, they are expected to have sufficient wardrobe." she said. The program pays for all medical bills, most prescriptions and partial dental rare in addition to providing an initial clothing allowance.

Marianna says that when a child first comes to their home, there is a brief "honeymoon period" when the child and family are both eager to please the other. "But at the end of that time period (it varies from child to child), they decide, 'It's time for the real me to rome Often during this time the child regresses in his behavior. The most common problem is bed wetting, but that usually disappears as the child adjusts," said Marianna. Ron added that another thing they've noticed during this period is the children's eating habits. "We've seen it with nearly every child they always eat like they haven't eaten in six mont hs and aren't going toeat again for another I Heritage by Evelyn Sturis Your vote WILL count.

Ask anyone who remembers the Spearfish Civic Improvement League organized three decades ago primarily to unseat the late Mayor James O'Neill. O'Neill, respected Spearfish businessman, promoter, developer and Lawrence County Commissioner, had been Spearfish's mayor, unopposed, for 10 years. Some felt it was time for a change, others didn't. To be exact, a margin of 12 others didn't. O'Neill won the mayoral race by 12 votes over Spearfish newcomer Bud Kelley.

Personally, the election left bad taste in my mouth as far as politics are concerned. Those who remember will recall that the campaign became bitter before the final vote April 18. 1950, and. although Jim O'Neill and I buried the hatchet almost immediately, the election left other friendship scars that took years to heal. Jim O'Neill and then news writer for the Queen City Mail, had sparred across the council table for several years.

I was particularly fond of him. He challenged my journalistic instinct to the hilt. Our differences were over the way he ran the city's business affairs. He felt, and often told me. that what the city did was none of my business, i Near midnight after the election, I went to city hall to wish him well.

He didn't accept my handshake. Instead he put his arm on my shoulder and said, "I'll see you at council." There was a twinkle in his Irish eyes and 1 knew 1 was in for a continued rough time at council sessions for another two years. There wasn't a lark of candidates for that city election 30, years ago. The Civic Improvement league ran a full slate and so did O'Neill's barkers. Campaigning under the slogan, "It ran be done without increasing taxes," the league presented a slate composed of Kelley for mayor, Floyd Marchant, alderman from 1st Ward: Delmar Junek, alderman from 2nd Ward: Floyd Cole, alderman from 3rd Ward; and Mike Hi'inbaugh and Roy Pratt, police magistrates.

The latter three are now deceased. The O'Neill slate consisted of incumbents Dr. J.G. Belts, 1st Ward; Albert Clark, incumbent 3rd Ward; Ulster Johnson, 2nd Ward, and Jim Lynch, city magistrate. Belts, retired and now living in Arizona, defeated Marchant.

232 to 216; Clark defeated Cole, 188 to 135 (both men are now deceased); Junek won over lister Johnson (deceased), 250 to and Ileinbaugh and Pratt won magistrate posts over Lynch. and boy's this sale Presently the Genglers have three foster children two year-olds and one 18 month old in addition to their youngest daughter, Michelle, and they say they prefer the younger children. "Teenagers do have more problems, but also our insurance doesn't rover foster children and. living where we do, (four miles from town) either I was on the road all the lime or else they didn't get to participate in all the school activities with their friends and that's not fair to them. Another thing is that our three youngest children were teenagers at the time we became foster parents and we felt that was enough." Mrs.

Gengler says they've never had any problems with a child's natural parents. "From our own personal experience, the natural parents have all been more than cooperative. And you have to remember the idea behind foster care. Most of the children have been taken out of their homes because the family situation is real difficult. The case workers work with the family and the child and they encourage home visits because the idea is to get them all back together again when they get things to where they're handy and convenient for everybody to be together again," Marianna said.

"We don't ever downgrade the natural parents, no matter what has happened, because the hope is that the children are going back to their parents and we don't want to do anything that would jeopardize that being successful," she added. TTki A ttcond of two orticUl looking at tktfotter cart program. byBeaeSsritk Asked what the most positive aspect of foster care is, Ron Gengter sayi simply. "The loving." His wife, Marianna, words it differently: "After the children have had their baths and are in their pajamas and fm holding them, I feel good." Ron and Marianna became foster parents five years ago at the urging of a social worker. "We've always liked children and Siys had them around.

Several years sV we thought about adoption. We could neither afford it and we were too old to adopt the age of child we wanted." explained Ron. "so we decided to become foster parents instead." But Marianna is quick to add that their decision was not entirely their own. "When Ron and I went to the training sessions we would bring literature home for our own children to read. It was a family decision.

It has to be because when you bring someone into your borne, it affects the whole family." she says. And the whole family has been affected. Marianna reveals. "Each one of us have had one child we didn't get along with. You can't pinpoint it, but the child just rubs you the wrong way and youeel real bad because you think you should love all children." But, she ssys, "They need so much more than love and sometimes you just can't give it sometimes you just don't know what it is they need." Marianna agrees that the hardest thing about foster parenting is becoming too attached.

"It happened to us just last year. We took a ft-month-old baby a beautiful blond-haired blue-eyed baby that we knew was ajfoing to be adopted. We knew this from She day we took him and when he left six months later it just devastated our family." She adds, "But it's worked out so well. We hear from the people who adopted him, so we didn't lose him completely our fear was that we'd never see him or hear about him again." Marianna continues: "The second hardest thing is doing everything you can and doing it by the book and everything that experience and common sense shows you and still not getting through. And this happens." She explains: "One ease in point about this feeling of failure we had a little girl once who came when she was nine.

When she came she smoked cigarettes, stole cigarettes and would lie about it. When she left she still smoked cigarettes, stole cigarettes and would lie about it." -Ill SpCwittii EZZZ ifr Short tn4 Long xy lit six months. They just 'gluttonize themselves," Ron says. He added that this wears off in around 90 percent of the cases. "But we have one girl now who asks what's for breakfast when she's eating supper and what's for lunch when she's eating breakfast," he said.

For both Marianna and Ron, foster parenting is good old common sense. "We do with them what we did with our own children," Ron slated. "If I have a problem I ask myself, 'If they were my very own birth what would I do? Common sense usually tells me," said Marianna. She adds, "It's like your own family. You give the most attention to the one who needs it at a particular time.

It's unrealistic to think you can give 100 percent attention to a child it's just not possible. They have to learn to share attention." Ron says they discipline their foster children the same way they disciplined their own. "I explain why they're not supposed to do something and what the consequences are if they do it again. Then I ask if they understand what I told them. If they say, I go over it again.

We always warn them twice and if they continue to do it, we follow through with what we've said you have to follow through," said Ron. The reason they warn the children twice before disciplining them is to allow for the fart that the children often come from a totally different back ground where there's been too much or too little discipline. "And kids are clever," says Ron. "They do what they're not supposed to do with one eye and watch you with the other eye." They want security and consistency and they have to build a trust in you, Ron says. Hut.

Marianna adds, "All the training and experience in the world won't totally prepare you for foster parent age. And although foster parenting is a commitment, we have to take a day off now and then to get renewed. It takes an incredible amount of emotion, raring and speculation. And even though we include the foster children in most of the things we do, we have to do things for our own family too. We have to remind them that they have real parents.

I told one boy, 'I'm not your mom, but I hope we can be Asked if they plan lo continue being foster parents, Marianna paused for a moment. "1 don't know. We have a little hoy now who's been with us since he as months old he's3'' now and when they take him bark it will break my heart. I'll probably never want to be a foster parent again." Mi Ongo AAA LM as wch as eJll Off 11 A ff 3 Oil Spearfish Off 7 ''liisf. mmnm Laprjay sale Stats feiry, 33 it 9 AM is? I Buy now and save for Christmas giving on quality, name brand men's clothing.

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